1.) You are really and truly the only – yes, only -darn person you can control.  There’s no question that you can affect others, you can, and you should. But change them? Nope, not in this lifetime, not on this spiritual plane. That doesn’t mean that we all can sit by and say “ho hum, well, then, there’s nothing I can or should do except do my own thing.” That’s a cop out. What it DOES mean is that trying to control others is futile and crazy-making at best, and a recipe for unmitigated disaster in many, many circumstances.  Once you really come to terms with this, every day gets easier. Make peace with this one quickly.

2.) Nobody gets a free ride.  Yes, I know that’s an old chestnut, but it may take some doing to really absorb the fact. I still remember the moment when someone (a man who taught me a number of extremely painful yet important lessons) said to me in surprise when we were on the topic: “EVERYONE suffers. EVERYONE ‘gets screwed.’ Nobody escapes it. Nobody has a charmed life.” It took until then (and I was well over 20) for me to realize that my suffering was not “special,” or anything of the sort, and that everyone else (or even a few select lucky bastards) was/is not living a constantly easy, happy, stress-free existence. Problems are part of life. Learn to see that this is okay.

3.) We are never, ever given just one chance at happiness or fulfillment.  It is easy, (and I think it’s perhaps human nature) to believe that our entire future happiness and good outcomes in life can hinge on a particular thing, such as “this particular relationship working out,” or “getting into this school,” or “getting this job” or “making x number of dollars.”  Again, that’s not a cop-out inducer to believe that you don’t have to do the best you can in life, you will find yourself far more fulfilled if you DO. However, it is certainly a relaxing-inducing knowledge, once you can find it, that there are ALWAYS going to be other deep, soul-level, meaningful opportunities for us, if the one in front of us, for whatever reason, does not come to fruition. To believe otherwise is to limit yourself, the universe, and your higher power, (if you believe in one) to a level that is really, when you think about it, not only painful but also pretty arrogant. Work this one out, and things become a lot easier. Really.

4.) Listen to others (who have shown they’re worth respect) but go your own way. Both bits of this one are challenging. For instance, your mother, just by virtue of being your mother, if you are an adult, does not, in and of itself, make her opinion very useful or helpful to you – particularly about things that she herself has never experienced. There’s a fairly obscure saying, though, that goes something like this: “If one person tells you you have a tail, you can laugh. If two people tell you you have a tail, then best turn around and LOOK.” In other words, of course, it’s not smart to just ignore every bit of advice/opinion you are given, particularly if you start to hear things over and over. However, ultimately you have to live your own life and it’s the only one you have at this moment anyway. If you decide that what your soul is telling you to do is to move to Italy and learn Italian (with the last $1,000 in your checking account…) and you are sure that this is what you most want and need to do, then GO, regardless of what anyone says. Hey, it worked out well for Elizabeth Gilbert (author of “Eat,Pray, Love”.)  If you wait till what you want is going to please everyone you might as well forget it. Life is short, and people who are completely invested in completely pleasing everyone are usually pretty darn unhappy.

5.) It’s your job to take care of yourself. Yes, the (very very small number) of conservative types who meander into this blog might be surprised to hear a liberal type like myself spout this last one, but it is my firm belief that in today’s world (and perhaps always, I don’t know) in order to be happy and sucessful we have all got to take personal responsibility for our own lives, advocate for ourselves, and not simply sit by and expect someone to come along and fix (any) problem. This also means that after a certain point, you can no longer blame your parents or the Government or whatever for your problems, you will have to make some choices and take some actions, and so on.  If you struggle with this one, it might be helfpful to start by thinking, say, of going to a doctor’s office (ick!) If your leg hurts, and you go to the doctor but don’t tell her that your leg hurts, how can you possibly be surprised if she doesn’t do anything about your pain? Learn to advocate for yourself. You are the one who is closest to knowing what you need. You can have a hand in making sure your needs get met. If you wait by the side of life for someone to notice that you are in pain/need help/etc., you can be waiting a very long time indeed.

Well, readers, if you’ve read this far… which one resonated the most with you (if any?) What are the other biggies I’ve left off? This list of course could have been fifty or five hundred things to consider, but your Ms. Sanity has to start somewhere… 

Photo credit: Chi from morguefile.com

Anyway, ran across this, and it needed more eyeballs:

Apparently Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL), explaining the Republican health care plan could pare it down to two little words:

“Die quickly.”
~Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)

Major hat tip to twitterist @Ander517 who brought this to my attention.  Said Mr. Anders also added the following link which has a video clip, lest you think we make all this stuff up: click here.

Personally I couldn’t watch it. One is wise to know when to limit one’s news consumption, and I hit that mark a while back….

Onward and upward folks. Personally, I hope none of you die quickly. But then I’m not afraid of health care reform. And it’s not because I expect the frigging government to take care of all my needs, either. But that’s another post…

Over and over and over ad nauseum I’ve seen blogs and “tweets” and letters to the editor filled with craziness, outright, bald-faced lies and inaccuracies not only about the intentions and effects of the (FOUR) potential, proposed bills/new systems – but also about what life is like in the rest of the civilized world where they DO have universal health care. (For you accuracy buffs, there’s no such thing as “Obamacare”… yet, anyway.)

Few people -if any – are idiotic enough to believe that having a system of universal health care creates instant nirvana, nor would any thinking people living in a country with such a system insist that their systems are perfect.

However, because of the work that I do and the fact that I am married to a man who was born in Europe, I know and work with- regularly and intimately- people all over the world. I also, obviously, have relatives by marriage living in other countries, and I am here to tell you that NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM would come here for health care, nor would they trade our system for theirs, nor do any of them have any desire whatsoever to come here to live. Period. In fact, none of them will even set foot on US soil without (expensive!) traveler’s health insurance, due to the fact that any sane person knows that a minor accident (much less a serious one) can BANKRUPT a person who doesn’t have health insurance.

Unlike what people have assumed elsewhere, and asked me about, these people/relatives/clients I am referring to – in various European countries – are not exclusively or even usually:

• Very Young
• Very Healthy
• Extremely Poor
• Incredibly Heavily Taxed
• Interested in coming to the USA for health care
• Of the belief that the US is the sole seat of innovation in health care and science in the world. (Check the facts! Other countries invent and produce things too!)

I’m sorry that I’m screaming at you if you have read this far but I’m truly annoyed and sickened and disappointed in the way this health care debate thing is going. I despair at the apparent level of discourse and the seeming inability to think critically about this issue. It’s all fear, fear, fear, machismo, “we’re number one,” fear, money, fear, socialism strawmen, and “I’ve got mine, to heck with the rest of you.” (Oh yeah? Who’s going to perform the roles you take for granted if we little people all kick the bucket? You gonna take your own trash to the dump? Fix your own sewers, your own car, wait your own tables???)

Yes, okay, as someone once  said to me, reasonable people can disagree about the best way to solve the problem. It’s just that there seems to be precious little reasonableness around this issue in the public fora. From anywhere or anyone (quite frankly, at this moment, including Ms. Sanity!)

If you’ve been paying attention, and are living in the USA, you must have seen this stuff flying around also.

Here’s a quote from one of the more authoritative writers who has bothered to do research and to try to deconstruct some of the lies (which are being widely circulated!) One thing many of my fellow Americans are insanely failing to do is to consider the costs of DOING NOTHING. Here’s a glimpse, folks:

The US CBO {Congressional Budget Office} estimates that, with no changes to the {current USA} health care system, premiums will increase by $1,800 per year for the next ten years. That means a family will pay an average annual premium of more than $32,000 by then.

Oh, yeah, that’s going to be easy to handle with an average income in this country of about $48K or so. You really think that with this fabulous economy that your wages are going to go up that much in a decade? Think again.

Look, please, for your own good, for our collective good, for heaven’s sake, do some research, consider (shocking, I know) actually speaking to someone who lives in a country besides the USA about their experiences with their health care, read more than one source, don’t just believe the first chain email you get or the supremely unintelligent Sarah Palin stupidly telling you that we’re suddenly going to start killing off old people.

The simple fact is this: We ARE all in this life together. You do not live in isolation, you do not single-handedly completely create the prosperity and wealth that you have amassed, no matter how much you have–and you have a vested interest in the good health of your fellow man.

If a majority of people in this country cannot begin to grasp that simple fact, then our collective future is far darker than it seems.

In the meantime, cut the crap. There are a bazillion resources out there (factcheck.org is a good one, too) if you don’t trust the ones the government is putting out. But if you’re pulling your hair out over some chain email (or even blog posting, purporting to be from someone’s brother in law who is just “concerned” or from some dude the “health care ranger…”) first have a look here:  at the aptly named “Please Cut the Crap.”

My grandfather once, with a grimace,  years ago, said “People get the government they deserve.” (When the people of the state I live in elected – for his second term- a guy who if not a felon, was certainly “crooked.”) If that’s the case, then by the look of things at the zeitgeist, we are deserving not very much…since so many of you seem to believe you are all living on desert islands, and so on….

To riff on a lovely line from the movie Serenity:

You are not John Galt. Universal health care is not some Evil Empire or socialistic conspiracy leading us to the evils of communism. The Obama Administration is also not some Evil Empire. You people railing against health care are not the plucky heroes. This is not the grand arena.

Get a grip. Cut the crap. Read some stuff and don’t limit your information intake to Fox (Faux) news or, for that matter, Daily Kos or the Huffington Post.

If you don’t or won’t, don’t go crying to the rest of the world in a few years when only five perecent of the population has much access to health care, your premiums are $20 grand a year, and our trade imbalance and business competitiveness is even lower than it is at the moment.

I grew up in this land of hyperbole, these United States, and I know I am prone to overstating the case, (culture seeps in, inorexably, after all.) But these days I cannot escape near-constant visions that many, many thousands are going to have to literally lose their lives due to inadequate health care, before the “plucky heroes” of the right-wing begin to see it. And that quite literally breaks my bleeding heart. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Of course the intelligent people who read this blog probably were already clear that this so-called explanation is utter BS.  Or, as they might say in Britain, total bollocks.  Here’s one study (printed in the reputable PubMed Central and also the British Medical Journal) which shows the above popular misconception for what it is… a lie promulgated by the people who stand to profit by the curent state of affairs. For my non-American buddies who may somehow not know this: the truth really is on the ground here that people, (and not just poverty stricken elderly people or people who have never had a job) often have to make choices such as whether to buy food or refill a prescription. I have been there many times myself. So the next time people trot out that misconception..call a spade a spade. If there were truth to this, drugs would cost the same or nearly the same in all industrialized countries. They don’t. Oh and not only that, drugmakers in other countries are still pulling in handsome profits, even with their lower (much lower) prices.

On a perhaps happier note, Ms. Sanity also just became aware that as I write this, there is under consideration a bill in the US Senate which would make it legal for Americans to “re-import” drugs from Canada by purchasing from Canadian pharmacies over the internet. If this actually happens, this could be a good thing for some Americans, (though our Canadian brethren might not be too happy about it…)

Not surprisingly, the conservative alarmists are, well, alarmed. They’re claiming with straight faces, even, that allowing Americans to “re-import” these drugs, is unsafe.

Yeah, right, spare me. You’ll notice that there aren’t throngs of Canadians and British folk dropping dead left and right from the medication they’re taking…..

Allowing re-importation (which thousands of Americans are doing or trying to do right now anyway) is all well and good, but shouldn’t we freaking fix our own broken so-called system, rather than sponging off of countries such as Canada and the UK who have been taking better care of their citizens healthwise for decades?

Well, at the very least, US citizens should stop telling themselves (and each other) the lie that we pay such exorbitant and usurious prices for medication because we are politely covering the R & D costs for the entire world.

We pay these prices because we want to keep the big US Pharmaceutical companies really, really, really well-to-do.  I shudder to think what those in management at, say Pfizer, are paid for a year of work. (Yes, they save lives, and so on and so forth, but they also end them, thanks to the crazy prices people are asked to pay for the medication here.)

I don’t have the stomach to look up their salaries right now, though I’m sure the information is available. If one of you trusty readers wants to do so and report back, by all means…feel free.

Executives of three of the nation’s largest health insurers told federal lawmakers in Washington on Tuesday that they would continue canceling medical coverage for some sick policyholders…

Note that these are POLICY holders–who have been paying premiums.  To continue from this same story, located here:

An investigation by the House Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations showed that health insurers WellPoint Inc., UnitedHealth Group and Assurant Inc. canceled the coverage of more than 20,000 people, allowing the companies to avoid paying more than $300 million in medical claims over a five-year period.

Are you clear on what that means? It means that, by God, they feel perfectly justified in dropping you from your health care if the care you need is too expensive.

A little more from the story:

The executives — Richard A. Collins, chief executive of UnitedHealth’s Golden Rule Insurance Co.; Don Hamm, chief executive of Assurant Health and Brian Sassi, president of consumer business for WellPoint Inc., parent of Blue Cross of California — were courteous and matter-of-fact in their testimony.

But they would not commit to limiting rescissions to only policyholders who intentionally lie or commit fraud to obtain coverage, a refusal that met with dismay from legislators on both sides of the political aisle.

So, again, these people losing coverage are not liars are fraudsters, it could be you or your Aunt Mabel.

And there’s ANYONE in America who would prefer the status quo rather than some sort of Universal Health Care?

Now from the “not much hope” department, here’s some info on our Congresspeople who are currently trying to draft some sort of bill for universal health care.  Have a little look at THIS:

Almost 30 key lawmakers helping draft landmark health-care legislation have financial holdings in the industry, totaling nearly $11 million worth of personal investments in a sector that could be dramatically reshaped by this summer’s debate.

And there’s more…

The first big congressional moment on health care comes Tuesday in the Senate’s Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee, which will consider a liberal-leaning proposal that includes the creation of a “public plan” meant to be a government-administered alternative to private health insurance.

On that 22-member panel, at least eight senators have financial interests in the health-care industry worth a minimum of $600,000 — and potentially worth as much as $1.9 million. The investors include  Sen. Johnny Isakson (R-Ga.), a senior member of the panel, who holds at least $165,000 in pharmaceutical and medical stocks, and freshman Sen. Kay Hagan (D-N.C.), who holds at least $180,000 in investments in more than 20 health-care companies.

And the list goes on, see the link above if you want to see the full list. Sure, it’s very possible that these folks can have all this investment in companies which “refuse to stop dropping sick people off of their health insurance!” and still do the right thing–e.g. provide health care to everyone who needs it.

My point is only that each of us had best be watching, that we need to keep our eyes on the ball here. It’s well past time that they stopped throwing their hands in the air (they meaning our so-called leaders) and crying “We can’t do this, it’s too hard...”

Your life may hang in the balance, folks. Whether you have health insurance or not. If you’re sane, you’re going to be paying very close attention to this issue – and you’ll be investigating it, and letting your representatives know what you think.

But the insurance companies? How can you read the first article and feel for two seconds that they are NOT the bad guys? Especially when, say, the CEO of WellPoint, Angela Braley, was paid $9,844,212 in 2008…. for running a company that denies claims to people who have health insurance! How nice!

By the way, that didn’t include her private plane or an additional “$10,000 for legal services relating to her employment agreement and cash credits.”

If you’re not outraged, you are not paying attention. This situation cannot stand. And if you think it “couldn’t affect you” or someone you love because you have health insurance, THINK AGAIN. It’s the only sane way to go.

That is absurd, my friends. I knew the number would be high–but 62%?

It is also important to point out that OF those 62%, guess what percentage actually HAD health insurance when their illness happened?

78%. Let me say that again. 78% of the people who ended up having to declare bankruptcy–many of whom would have lost their houses, etc., as a result–HAD HEALTH INSURANCE at the time they (or a family member) got ill.

This article will be published in the August issue of The American Journal of Medicine.

Obviously, I think this report blows huge, gaping holes in the idea which many of us hold about people who declare bankruptcy. I too thought until I came across this story that most bankruptcies were related to people being irresponsible, living well beyond their means, etc., and that’s obviously not the case.

The conservatives like to imply that everything in the world is, well, under an individual’s control. Let’s see how they spin that one with this upcoming report. I can hear it now.

“People who have illnesses should be responsible enought to have them in countries where their health care is reasonably priced!”

This situation MUST be changed, it cannot be allowed to continue. No one should have to worry about losing their house because their child or their spouse gets cancer.

If you don’t agree, please tell me why. And what your fears are, about the possibility of changing our so called “system” so that people don’t have to lose their  decent credit history, not to mention possible loss of their home, because of an illness.

Before you say, well, these people should have availed themselves of charity or indigent care–I’m here to tell you, having been in this situation, (the only thing which prevented me declaring bankruptcy – not that I owned any assets – was my parents gift of paying some of the bills for me,) is that there is nowhere near ENOUGH charity to even come close to meeting the need of affordable healthcare, it’s nowhere near enough in this country, and certainly not enough in other countries, either….

We have to do something.  Yes, WE have to…. not “someone has to do something.”

With the economic situation world-wide and the other political things happening, however, (not to mention the current weird alignment of the planets – just ask Michael Lutin!) the potential triggers for feeling lousy may indeed be more abundant than usual. Follow me on the flip for some handy tips that might help you (and for that matter, your dear Ms. Sanity) stay in a happier frame of mind.  These tips may not be groundbreaking, but I hope they may serve as a helpful reminder to anyone who stumbles upon them.

1.) Surround yourself with (or pay attention to) happy, upbeat people.

Remember that what (and whom) you pay attention to in your life literally grows and becomes a bigger part of your life.

There are some people who are naturally inclined to optimism. Many who are even inclined to thoughtful, searching, considered optimism. Good attitudes, hope, and joy are catching. If you don’t have these people in your life, you can find them online or ask around. Even a little exposure to these upbeat folks can help your feelings of happiness. EVEN if they get on your nerves while you’re talking to them or reading what they have to say!

2.) Limit your news intake, whether on television, online, or newspapers.

There will always be bad news, and guess what, bad news sells…(and puts eyeballs on websites, etc.) That’s why traditional news outlets in particular seem to focus on “bad news…” because they actually DO focus on the bad news! Regardless of your political or other orientations and priorities, there will always be something in the news that’s upsetting. Particularly when you are struggling, limit your intake. This does not have to be permanent.

3.) Help other people.

There is always someone nearby or online who could use an encouraging word, a donation, or simply someone to listen to them. Whatever your circumstances, you have this to offer, even if you can only manage 30 seconds. The benefits of doing so are enormous and farther reaching than you’d believe toward helping your happiness level.

4.) Wallow in bad feelings if you must, but set time limits for wallowing.

Sometimes bad feelings and sadness and unhappiness are natural or unavoidable. (Death of someone you care about, Major changes in relationships, Major life or health changes, and so forth.) All of these things are adjustments which take time, and simply plastering on a happy face in the midst of true emotional challenges is a recipe for disaster. So allowing yourself to “feel the pain” (or to wallow, if you will…) is reasonable. What you don’t want to do is to allow yourself to get stuck there.  Give yourself a time limit that seems reasonable, (sometimes this means weeks to months!)  and if you cannot find your way to feeling normal once the time limit expires, it may be time to talk to your doctor or seek other outside help.

5.) Talk about it.

Not  everyone needs formal therapy or a doctor’s care of course when they’re struggling with emotional issues and/or unhappiness, but everyone needs to express their feelings. Find a way to do so. The advent of the internet has made this easier.

6.) Bootstraps don’t exist.

There is a much misguided idea in these United States anyway that we should all “pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.” Personally, I’ve never seen anyone in my lifetime who actually had bootstraps, much less someone who could “pull themselves up by them. “  It can be critical to know when the jig is up and when you should ask for help and stop thinking about your damn non-existent bootstraps. Asking for help is a sign of wisdom and strength, and NOT weakness. We are all in this life together.

One of the many guidelines which indicate that you should run, not walk, to a health care provider: is when you start thinking (especially when you continue to think) that the world or your loved ones would be better off without you, and/or you start making plans to bring that about. Suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you are feeling that way, get help. Today. Here are some 24/7 hotlines in the USA that are standing by to help you: 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-TALK  (1-800-273-8255)

7.) Talk to a child/spend time with children.

There’s a reason why we say “kids say the darnedest things,” and “Out of the mouths of babes…”  This is because children have a fresh way of looking at the world which can sometimes bring light streaming into the life of an adult in unexpected ways.  Take a moment and talk to a child, and if you don’t have one handy, (with their parent’s permission) a neighbor’s child will do. Have them tell you a joke. You’ll be glad you did.

Above all, know that you are not alone. Because that’s the truth.

(Image Courtesy of Jochen Gros.)

Laugh. Go ahead. This sign has sharp edges....

Ah, another day in paradise.  A lot of the time, I am very lucky that it comes fairly naturally to me to stay focused in remembering the many, many things that I have to feel grateful about. Unlike many of my clients and friends I don’t struggle daily with major, major anxiety. Every day, for example, I wake up knowing that I am privileged in so many ways: such as, to have a wonderful life partner/ husband, my health is pretty good after a brush with cancer and some very annoying and repeated health challenges, there’s a roof over my head, food to eat, safe water to drink, and many more things that many people on this planet don’t have.

Then occasionally I make the mistake of looking at the news and getting dangerously close to thinking negatively.  Even though I have worked as a journalist, in various permutations, and been involved with journalists personally and professionally, it’s astonishingly easy to think when reading or watching the news that what they’re telling me is the truth.

Sorry but in the USA, it’s not even close to the truth…….what passes for actual news reporting in this country is in reality whatever message multinational corporations and politicians want the populace to have.  It has very little to do with “the truth” with a capital T. It occurs to me that there probably were some wise souls, for example, as the Titanic was going down, who had the presence of mind and spirit to help the people around them to see the humor and maybe even smile or laugh in the midst of utter tragedy,  because all concerned knew that there wasn’t a great many other options available.

One of the most deeply moving things and profound things that I ever read anywhere (though I must say it was not particularly funny) was by Viktor Frankl in his powerful 1940′s book “Man’s Search For Meaning.” Frankl was a concentration camp survivor who realized while still in the camp that the Nazis could take literally everything else away from him…but they could not take away his choice of  the attitude and mindset that he wished to carry with him.

I remember very clearly thinking, as a young adult, that if this man could make such powerful and positive choices, then that no matter what happened to me, that I could attempt do so as well. Frankl kept his sense of humor, brought comfort and joy to his fellow man, even in the face of complete monstrosity.

So, it seems to me, that even when we cannot muster the brilliant example of Frankl and others like him (the current Dalai Lama comes to mind as another example…) we can at least remember to laugh and see the humor in the situation.

If you’re struggling with things in your life that make laughter feel or seem impossible, I highly recommend the tips to enhance your sense of humor here:  laugh and also the books “Man’s Search For Meaning” and “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of A Negative Thought.”

Frankl was 100% correct. Life and other travesties can take absolutely everything else from us, except our choice of attitude. Choose to see the humor. It’s always, always there. If you can’t see it, ask around. find someone or something to make you laugh. Young children and older folks are particularly good at helping us see humor.

Because the fact of the matter really is: if we collectively and individually lose our ability to see humor because of the economic meltdown or anything else, then we are collectively and individually sunk.

Life is short. Fit in laughter.