Of course, in order to be a good blogger, one has to be consistent, one has to post regularly. Obviously Ms. Sanity has been falling down in that regard. Ms. Sanity’s Mother has noticed this behavior for many a year now–she calls it the “Refusing to write a letter unless all the pencils in the house are sharpened, and you have the most beautiful stationery to use phenomenon,” when of course, the recipient would just be happy to get a durn letter from Ms. Sanity.

Mum’s right on the money there. One should just write the letter. And I know for a fact that I am not the only one with this phenomenon.

I was horrified and pretty annoyed with myself on this Thanksgiving Day when I realized that it has been 29 days since my last post. That’s simply not acceptable. See, when I make a post, I want it to be thoughtful. Original, well-written, preferably well (or at least marginally well) illustrated.

Here are some of my excuses. See if they mesh with any of YOUR excuses. (My father would say: There are always REASONS, but rarely excuses.)

• I’ve been busy.
  Well, we are ALL busy, in one way or another. If Ms. Sanity wants to be a blogger, she needs to blog, yes?
  
• I wanted my posts to be good. Exceptional, even.
  Well, my readers are looking for helpful, hopefully thought provoking information from me, and perhaps a little entertainment here and there, not proof of my substantial brilliance. (heh)
• I wanted to do research and provide LOTS of useful information in my next post.
  Well, even one piece or useful information or one link can make a difference to someone’s life. It doesn’t have to be fifty links! Helping out even a little is better than my silence, yes?

So, now: the flip side is this. I will do my best stop the habit of trying too hard, and perhaps you need to do the same. (Some of us, perhaps including yours truly, may need to watch out for “trying too hard not to try too hard,” but that’s a whole other post….)

Nike’s relatively inspired slogan “Just Do It,” is actually more than a good way to sell shoes. It’s a mantra many of us would do well to hold in mind, and act upon. So here’s my “Just did it” post… and I wish everyone, everywhere, a day or at least a moment of thanksgiving, as we celebrate here in the USA. Have a lovely day.. and don’t try too hard. Good enough is really, good enough, and something is almost always better than nothing…Nobody is perfect, anyway, no matter how hard one tries.

Ok, so it’s only one step, but it’s a biggie. That step is… to get inspired. And stay that way. You may think, gentle reader, that this is easier said than done, but the truth is, it depends a great deal on what you are putting into your mental computer, and in order to be inspired, you want to put in – you guessed it – inspirational stuff. One of the easiest and most effective ways I’ve ever found to do this is through reading uplifting and inspiring books.

There are so many good writers out there, but I’m offering you some of my favorites, who have made the most lasting and marked positive impressions on me. Pema Chodron became a Buddhist nun in 1974. She currently teaches and works in a Buddhist monastery in Nova Scotia. She has a thought provoking, accessible writing style, and will not only make you think but will also make you feel JOY. And joy is often in short supply these days. I’ve linked to one of her books here, but she has several other titles, also worth reading. I believe any of her books will have useful and thought provoking (and uplifting) content for anyone, regardless of their spiritual bent or lack thereof. Chodron’s other books which I can personally vouch for include: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (1996), and Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living (1994.) Having struggled with a variety of health problems in my life (not to mention with the USA’s crazy-making so called health care system,) I know first hand how difficult it can be to get through each day when one is ill and/or when not feeling well, wondering how you’re going to pay for needed doctors’ visits, tests, and medications, and so forth. Reading about others who have successfully dealt with such challenges, and who have overcome them, has also been enormously beneficial to me.

Norman Cousins was one such person.  He was diagnosed in the early 1960′s with an incurable disease…. and he quite literally used comedy to heal himself. Seriously. His example that we are what we think and the results he gained from his careful getting and staying inspired–and making a point to laugh–speak for themselves. He, too has written several books, but the one here was the first one I read and meant a lot to me…I found it enormously helpful and inspiring.

What we take in to our lives, minds and hearts, makes a big difference to the quality of our lives. Take in something inspirational… and improve  your life in one easy step!

If that rings any bells for you about yourself, there’s a short primer on the flip which may be helpful.

Over and over when I have my “counselor” hat on, people ask me questions like, “But is what happened to me A or B?” “Is it wrong for me to feel C or D?”  “Was that person wrong to do E or F?”  “Do I really have any redeeming value? What if I’m wrong about what I think?” and on and on it goes.

In my own life, partly through the process of going through therapy (something which I think nearly everyone can benefit from, if you can find a good therapist…) I eventually learned that–guess what–there is  not REALLY a fully-fledged rule book about life sitting somewhere that you can just look up and see a black and white answer that makes everything clear about A, B, C, D and so forth. (Spare me the Bible references, that’s not quite what I mean, although there are some enormously helpful rules and such to live by in the Bible….)

There came a point when I had to allow myself to live with some uncertainty, and once I did–whoosh, a huge burden was lifted.

Finally, in a blinding flash, I realized that my role was to do my best to make a sensible decision about what I thought about my life, and my actions, and so on, and that looking outside for some sort of handy manual that was going to spell absolutely everything out for me, was fruitless at best.

Some people are great  (okay, some people are delusional, too) about having positive self esteem, seeing their strengths, and so on. It comes easily and naturally to them. Those people are probably not even reading this article.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have the folks with the absolute lowest self-esteem, and paralyzing anxiety. “Am I really a bad person?” and so on are the kinds of questions that plague them constantly.  Here’s the deal:

Sometimes, for the latter type of person, you have to simply stop asking yourself and the world for the “truth” about a particular thing, and simply decide what is and is not helpful for you to think. Is it helpful, to you, or anyone else around you, for you to torture yourself endlessly that you “might” be a bad person, or a worthless person, and so on?

No, of course it isn’t. It is far helpful for your functioning, and for the world, if you make the decision to think “Perhaps I am an okay, at least, person.”  That gives you a launching pad to start from, whereas “Maybe I am really bad,” does not. (I’m referring to “normal” people here, not people, say, who killed someone last week, etc., who have plenty of reason to question themselves.)

You can, of course, tie yourself up in knots if you want, asking yourself  “Well, is it for real, do I have any basis to have even moderate self-esteem about?” but the fact of the matter is that sometimes you, and everyone else, are better off if you just make some (positive) assumptions.  So when it comes to the basics–like simple self esteem/self respect, you are better off, when your mental tape says “Is it real? should I allow myself to have even marginal self-esteem?” to respond with a resounding “Who cares if it’s “real” or not. That is where I’m going to begin, assuming that I have the right to draw breath, etc.”

For the record, I am very quick to suggest that people see a doctor and/or a licensed professional counselor (plus, of course, the law requires me to do so,and of course, that’s just the ethical thing to do.) I do realize that the type of mental machinations I’m describing CAN be due to major clinical depression and/or anxiety, and often need treatment from professionals.

The other fact of the matter, however, is that seeking or receiving mental health treatment is still stigmatized to an unbelievable degree (and it shouldn’t be) and that in the US, mental health care is simply not available (or seems unavailable–almost the same thing)  to many, many people. So I suppose talking to me can be better than nothing. At least that’s what they tell me.

My points here are threefold: a.) most people do have the power to do at least a little something about the damage those mental tapes are doing to themselves, b.) sometimes saying “who cares?!” is actually a very adult, reasoned, practical mental response, and c.) if your life feels like the pits because you can’t get past this stuff, reach out and get help, pronto.  There is ALWAYS help available, and we are not called to “go it on our own” forever.

If you struggle with this crap, try saying “who cares?!” for an hour. See how YOU feel.You might be surprised how freeing it is.

And for the (Ayn) Randians: Yes, of course there are absolutes in life. There just aren’t quite as many as most people seem to think. Life is full of shades of gray. Deal with it.

Learn to deal with change.

Follow me on the flip for the quotation and some more help on the subject. It’s not as hard as you might think. You see, the unhappiest people I know fight change with all their might. They get anxious about it, they deny it exists, they do all kinds of mental machinations to put blinders on about it. This is, of course, sadly misguided behavior.

It’s true that change can be threatening or frightening to all of us at times, however, it’s a natural part of life. And learning to handle it, to face it without flinching or running away, is an essential part of maturity and sanity.

Here’s the quotation:

Change is always happening. Even our thoughts are changing. Whenever something is good, it won’t last forever. Whenever something is bad, it won’t last forever. So, this financial crisis: It won’t last forever. It could be a turning point to change our views. What already has happened has happened. Every moment is a unique moment. We should treasure every moment.

–Master Jian-Sheng, abbess of the Buddha Gate Monastery, Lafayette.

Of course for many people it’s very difficult  to put into practice the art of accepting change.  This kind of thing is a lifelong journey, and NOBODY gets it perfectly right all the time, not even Ms. Sanity herself.

However, here are a few steps that can be helpful to manage anxiety and to help stay centered in the face of change or worry about change:

1. Breathe deeply. Anxiety often causes shallow breathing. Deep breaths can help you calm down and “open up.”
2. As the quotation says, try to stay “in the present moment” with your thoughts. Much of the time, there is little to nothing really horribly wrong at THIS particular moment.
3. Vent. It does not help you manage things to just stuff all your feelings down inside and ignore them. It’s actually the opposite.
4. Consider the worst case scenario. Take whatever you are worrying about or the change you are fearing to the absolute farthest worst-case you can imagine. Then consider how likely the worst case scenario is to actually come about. Generally the answer is that it almost certainly will not come about, at least not in the worst configuration you can imagine.
5. Consider the hidden gifts that this particular change might hold for you. Richard Bach wrote “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its’ hands.” What gift might this change hold? Think outside the box.

And finally, if you need help to deal with stuff, reach out and get it. There is always help available, always someone who will care about you and help if they can, even if they are a stranger to you now. We are all in this life together, and there are a lot of people who are well aware of this.

Everything is always changing. One only has to look outside the window to confirm this. Why should our lives (not to mention our society) be any different?

This is the object of the game....

The poster to the right was apparently seen in the United Kingdom during World War II. The thing is, to “Keep Calm and Carry On,” is still an important bit of advice to us all, even to this very moment.