Time and time again in my work I have clients who confess feelings, quietly, ashamedly, as though they were something horribly awful. Time and time again I have had the privilege of helping them to realize that most of the time, what they are experiencing is not only “normal” but is actually commonplace. And that furthermore, often, these negative feelings can be changed.

If you could hear their sighs of relief (well, the sighs of the ones that I am able to convince…) you would be astonished. You would probably also be astonished at how frequently this phenomenon comes up. And I work with men and women from all over the world, of all ages.

What is it that you are walking around with, deep in your heart, feeling as though there is something wrong with you for feeling it? It is the things that we bury, out of fear and shame, which often cause us the most pain – and which sometimes grow to have a negative, problematic life of their own. These shadow issues (A woman named Debbie Ford wrote a whole book about our “shadows..”) can become incredibly powerful, and they can cause all sorts of problems.

“It’s only me, right?” some clients ask me. “I’m the only one who thinks about quitting my well paid job and becoming a farmer?” or “I’m the only one who is afraid to have a baby,” or “I’m the only one who is afraid of falling in love and losing control…”

We are not, of course, discussing here things that are actually psychopathic urges like the repeated idea of drowning one’s children or setting fire to one’s house with the family asleep in it. If you’re having those kinds of intrusive thoughts and negative visions, it’s crucial that you run, not walk, to your nearest hospital and tell them the truth about what you are considering. They can help you, they really can, and you will feel better. To reach out like that is true bravery, not weakness.

But the first step, of course, is to ask for help….and then to give voice to that “shadow” inside you.

The same goes for those smaller shadow thoughts and fears. It’s the things that we hold tightly inside, fearing to give voice to, which add to or can even cause tension, anxiety, fear, and lowered self esteem. The remedy is simple yet powerful: talk to someone you trust. Let the shadow out into the light. Often, almost instantly, the power is broken and you feel lighter, safer, happier. Try it and see for yourself!

It’s not just you. Really. It’s not just me, either. Trust yourself, the universe, and believe that you can get beyond whatever shadowy “box of rocks” that you are carrying around. You can set it down, and you may very well find that as soon as you set down this metaphoric box of rocks and show it to someone else – that you don’t have to pick it back up and carry it around with you.

Again, it’s not just you. But as long as you are carrying the box quietly, and not opening it up, you will never know. Take the chance – and share. The benefits are enormous and carrying the box quietly helps no one, not even yourself.

]]> http://www.manicmeltdown.com/2010/05/04/only_me/feed/ 0 http://www.manicmeltdown.com/2009/10/27/five-things-for-a-happier-life/ http://www.manicmeltdown.com/2009/10/27/five-things-for-a-happier-life/#comments Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:18:57 +0000 Ms. Sanity http://www.manicmeltdown.com/?p=296 We all have challenges in our lives, there’s no question of that. And some years (decades?) are far more challenging than others. However, there are some time-tested and fairly (to Ms. Sanity) unquestionable “laws” of life that will go a long way to helping folks lead happier, lest angst-filled lives.  Yes, some of you will know every inch of all of these. Life has taught me that things that seem self-evident to me are not so to everyone. So without further ado, here’s the list:

1.) You are really and truly the only – yes, only -darn person you can control.  There’s no question that you can affect others, you can, and you should. But change them? Nope, not in this lifetime, not on this spiritual plane. That doesn’t mean that we all can sit by and say “ho hum, well, then, there’s nothing I can or should do except do my own thing.” That’s a cop out. What it DOES mean is that trying to control others is futile and crazy-making at best, and a recipe for unmitigated disaster in many, many circumstances.  Once you really come to terms with this, every day gets easier. Make peace with this one quickly.

2.) Nobody gets a free ride.  Yes, I know that’s an old chestnut, but it may take some doing to really absorb the fact. I still remember the moment when someone (a man who taught me a number of extremely painful yet important lessons) said to me in surprise when we were on the topic: “EVERYONE suffers. EVERYONE ‘gets screwed.’ Nobody escapes it. Nobody has a charmed life.” It took until then (and I was well over 20) for me to realize that my suffering was not “special,” or anything of the sort, and that everyone else (or even a few select lucky bastards) was/is not living a constantly easy, happy, stress-free existence. Problems are part of life. Learn to see that this is okay.

3.) We are never, ever given just one chance at happiness or fulfillment.  It is easy, (and I think it’s perhaps human nature) to believe that our entire future happiness and good outcomes in life can hinge on a particular thing, such as “this particular relationship working out,” or “getting into this school,” or “getting this job” or “making x number of dollars.”  Again, that’s not a cop-out inducer to believe that you don’t have to do the best you can in life, you will find yourself far more fulfilled if you DO. However, it is certainly a relaxing-inducing knowledge, once you can find it, that there are ALWAYS going to be other deep, soul-level, meaningful opportunities for us, if the one in front of us, for whatever reason, does not come to fruition. To believe otherwise is to limit yourself, the universe, and your higher power, (if you believe in one) to a level that is really, when you think about it, not only painful but also pretty arrogant. Work this one out, and things become a lot easier. Really.

4.) Listen to others (who have shown they’re worth respect) but go your own way. Both bits of this one are challenging. For instance, your mother, just by virtue of being your mother, if you are an adult, does not, in and of itself, make her opinion very useful or helpful to you – particularly about things that she herself has never experienced. There’s a fairly obscure saying, though, that goes something like this: “If one person tells you you have a tail, you can laugh. If two people tell you you have a tail, then best turn around and LOOK.” In other words, of course, it’s not smart to just ignore every bit of advice/opinion you are given, particularly if you start to hear things over and over. However, ultimately you have to live your own life and it’s the only one you have at this moment anyway. If you decide that what your soul is telling you to do is to move to Italy and learn Italian (with the last $1,000 in your checking account…) and you are sure that this is what you most want and need to do, then GO, regardless of what anyone says. Hey, it worked out well for Elizabeth Gilbert (author of “Eat,Pray, Love”.)  If you wait till what you want is going to please everyone you might as well forget it. Life is short, and people who are completely invested in completely pleasing everyone are usually pretty darn unhappy.

5.) It’s your job to take care of yourself. Yes, the (very very small number) of conservative types who meander into this blog might be surprised to hear a liberal type like myself spout this last one, but it is my firm belief that in today’s world (and perhaps always, I don’t know) in order to be happy and sucessful we have all got to take personal responsibility for our own lives, advocate for ourselves, and not simply sit by and expect someone to come along and fix (any) problem. This also means that after a certain point, you can no longer blame your parents or the Government or whatever for your problems, you will have to make some choices and take some actions, and so on.  If you struggle with this one, it might be helfpful to start by thinking, say, of going to a doctor’s office (ick!) If your leg hurts, and you go to the doctor but don’t tell her that your leg hurts, how can you possibly be surprised if she doesn’t do anything about your pain? Learn to advocate for yourself. You are the one who is closest to knowing what you need. You can have a hand in making sure your needs get met. If you wait by the side of life for someone to notice that you are in pain/need help/etc., you can be waiting a very long time indeed.

Well, readers, if you’ve read this far… which one resonated the most with you (if any?) What are the other biggies I’ve left off? This list of course could have been fifty or five hundred things to consider, but your Ms. Sanity has to start somewhere… 

Photo credit: Chi from morguefile.com

Obviously this blog is called Manic Meltdown, and just as clearly to those who look around a bit, I rarely write about truly being manic. That’s largely because I rarely am manic, myself, I’m more of a unipolar depressive type myself, when my grip slips. (Yes, I know, that’s shocking to those of you who actually know Ms. Sanity…)

Anyway, manic depression (actually the proper term these days is “bipolar disorder,”) truthfully does run in my family along with a host of other ummmm… interesting mental proclivities. Accordingly, I thought it might be helpful to the casual observer or those of you who land here because you are looking for information on mania – for me to offer a bit of anecdotal information about what I know about mania and “real” manic meltdowns.

The best source of information of course is always a qualified medical or psychiatric practitioner, and
nothing in this blog or anywhere else in the universe should be taken to be actual medical advice unless
you’re under direct treatment.

To start with, of course, manic meltdowns aren’t pretty. But generally they are treatable, and there is help
available to those who can and do seek it.

Mania generally is unpleasant for all concerned. A psychiatrist once told me, and I was surprised to hear,
that “Mania is on a continuum; it’s not always physical mania of not sleeping and painting the whole house
in three days… for example, extreme irritability in adults can be one symptom or a type of mania.”

So that’s an important thing to remember, when you’re looking at whether or not you or someone you care
about might need help or treatment. It’s also important to remember that Mania/bipolar disorder is a
complex disease, and it can be important to call in the cavalry (doctors!) as soon as one begins to realize
there is a problem.

Symptoms of mania (courtesy of Web MD) can include:
• excessive happiness,
• excitement,
• irritability,
• restlessness,
• increased energy,
• less need for sleep,
• racing thoughts,
• high sex drive,
• and a tendency to make grand and unattainable plans.

That doesn’t necessarily sound as awful as it is. Other reported experiences and behaviors of those in a full
blown “manic meltdown,” can include spending money recklessly, indiscriminate sexual behavior (which is
later regretted) crying jags, and particularly after several days with insufficient sleep, literal hallucinations
and/or psychoses.

Most people experience the milder end of these symptoms, from what I understand, and someone doesn’t
have to have them all in order to actually be experiencing mania.

Drug abuse (and Ms. Sanity doesn’t judge people, I’m just pointing this out…) can make bipolar disorder
worse and/or can mask the symptoms and make diagnosis more difficult depending on the situation.

If you’re looking to understand more about manic meltdowns and are new to the mental illness party (we really need to get rid of the stigma about it in the good ole USA, people with chemical imbalances- who are not “just jerks,” can no more pull themselves out of it “by their bootstraps” than a six week-old infant can start speaking in sentences because of superior willpower. Bipolar disorder- and in fact most, if not all, forms of true mental illness – are biochemical, physical issues…) …you may want to have a look at this link for more clinical and authoritative info.

The life you save may be your own, or that of someone you care about. People with bipolar disorder have a
much higher rate of suicide and/or accidental death than the general population, I have been told.  It is important to know that most people with bipolar disorder will insist that “there is nothing wrong,” particularly in manic phases. If in doubt, check it out!

Just because I’ve called this blog Manic Meltdown in no way aims to minimize the serious issue of Mania and bipolar disorder. It’s more that I was pointing to the fact that many aspects of modern life tend to POINT your Ms. Sanity toward the ugly side of manic behavior, because of occasional frustration and so on; and I wanted to share some of the thoughts, ideas, and resources that help me from ending up going over the edge, in the hopes that they may help someone else.

I’m no expert, of course, but are there any questions?

Oh yeah, one last thing. Someone landed on the first iteration of this blog (at Blogspot) recently because they had searched for “how to know if you are self centered.” That question is fairly easy. First of all, nearly all of us are self-centered to a degree, and that’s not a crime, necessarily. It can often be healthy and self preserving, provided we don’t carry it too far. Secondly, are you able to understand how other people feel? Are you able to imagine and empathize/sympathize when they are having difficulties? Do you care about what happens to others? Do you sometimes think of others and put them and their needs before your own? If so… you probably don’t have a darn thing to worry about. But if everyone you ask tells you that yes, you come across as being self-centered, then perhaps you should talk to someone you trust about it, preferably your doctor. This too can be a symptom of a variety of mental health challenges. It’s very normal for people who are struggling with depression, for example, to be focused on themselves and their own feelings, etc., just as it is normal for someone with a broken leg to be focused (especially at first) on the pain from their leg and how their leg is feeling—because it HURTS! The problems come when the leg—or the feelings—are the thing one lives the rest of one’s life being focused on. Never hesitate to reach out for help.

And if you don’t like the first “help” you get, keep reaching. There is always help, and almost always hope. The thing is, we have to do some reaching out to find it.

Ok, so it’s only one step, but it’s a biggie. That step is… to get inspired. And stay that way. You may think, gentle reader, that this is easier said than done, but the truth is, it depends a great deal on what you are putting into your mental computer, and in order to be inspired, you want to put in – you guessed it – inspirational stuff. One of the easiest and most effective ways I’ve ever found to do this is through reading uplifting and inspiring books.

There are so many good writers out there, but I’m offering you some of my favorites, who have made the most lasting and marked positive impressions on me. Pema Chodron became a Buddhist nun in 1974. She currently teaches and works in a Buddhist monastery in Nova Scotia. She has a thought provoking, accessible writing style, and will not only make you think but will also make you feel JOY. And joy is often in short supply these days. I’ve linked to one of her books here, but she has several other titles, also worth reading. I believe any of her books will have useful and thought provoking (and uplifting) content for anyone, regardless of their spiritual bent or lack thereof. Chodron’s other books which I can personally vouch for include: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (1996), and Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living (1994.) Having struggled with a variety of health problems in my life (not to mention with the USA’s crazy-making so called health care system,) I know first hand how difficult it can be to get through each day when one is ill and/or when not feeling well, wondering how you’re going to pay for needed doctors’ visits, tests, and medications, and so forth. Reading about others who have successfully dealt with such challenges, and who have overcome them, has also been enormously beneficial to me.

Norman Cousins was one such person.  He was diagnosed in the early 1960′s with an incurable disease…. and he quite literally used comedy to heal himself. Seriously. His example that we are what we think and the results he gained from his careful getting and staying inspired–and making a point to laugh–speak for themselves. He, too has written several books, but the one here was the first one I read and meant a lot to me…I found it enormously helpful and inspiring.

What we take in to our lives, minds and hearts, makes a big difference to the quality of our lives. Take in something inspirational… and improve  your life in one easy step!

Instead of using their Federal credit cards to go to brothels and such, these folks are helping their fellow man. Cool!

In today’s busy world it seems that most of us are juggling a great deal. Work, family, friends, and very often in this economy—a side business or two. It can all get to be too much.

And of course our culture, unlike several others, doesn’t typically allow for the long term vacations that, say, many working people in Europe will get—e.g. six weeks or so of paid vacation a year. One would think looking forward to a rest like that yearly could help keep your batteries recharged.

We’ve got to deal with the culture we’re living in, of course, and that means that we need to keep re-charging our physical, emotional, and spiritual batteries on an ongoing and regular basis.

Your faithful Ms. Sanity has assembled some links that may help you to do just that. Complete – as you might have guessed – with a bit of snarky commentary involving current events.

http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2009/06/18/managing-your-energy/ I’ve linked here to a particular post on this overall most excellent blog on keeping your act together. This post covers the basics…if you aren’t paying attention to the list of things in this item, there’s little chance that you’re going to feel good and function well.

http://www.powerfull-living.biz/blog/ Life coach Lorraine Cohen has many useful and thought provoking ideas about how to live a fuller, more balanced life. Check her out.

Here’s a hint/in a nutshell: it involves compassion. Compassion does not always come easily to me. But then, it may not come easily to anyone. It is, however, a blessing to all, when it is given.

How to Achieve Happiness (By HH Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso)

For a start, it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental and physical.  Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of us.  Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived of basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in life.  If the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.

From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life.As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but every one who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed, with this attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable opportunity to improve our mind!

The full text of his statement is here. Read it… and be happy!

With the current whirlwhind of craziness about, many people who have a tendency toward depression and anxiety (which includes Ms. Sanity, gentle reader…) can be tending to struggle more than usual, due to the extra economic stress happening in most countries right now. At times like these, it’s important to pay extra attention to what one is putting into one’s mind, body, and spirit. What I find helps me, also, is to pay attention to the people that I surround myself with. When I am really struggling, I have to make an effort to reach out to my upbeat, positive thinking friends–and limit my contact with the real negative nay sayers. I also try to increase my intake of books, positive-oriented blogs, and other uplifting and inspirational items… and I’ve included a few favorites in this post. Unfortunately, some people-particularly people who have never themselves dealt with serious depression and anxiety – are very quick to just say “oh, well, snap out of it.” I know it’s tempting to throttle those people and say  ”Hey, If I could, I freakin’ would, all right?” but throttling is considered bad form, generally speaking.

David Burns, MD’s “Feeling Good,” was one of the first and best practical books I came across as I was working on my depressive self in my early 20′s. (I had been, I would say, clinically depressed since my teen years, if not before.) This book has a bazillion helpful hints, and lots of case histories to help the reader see and feel that they are NOT alone. I’d recommend this to anyone. It helped me tremendously.

I also found “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of A Negative Thought” both hysterical and very, very helpful and thought provoking. It has a ton of interesting quotations interspersed throughout, which of course I like. I believe this book also has a workbook that you can use to go through the book but the workbook is of course not necessary to gain a great deal out of reading the book.

Depression and anxiety can indeed be a crippling illness for those with severe cases of it. There is no question in my mind that some people need medication for it. (I just rather doubt that MILLIONS of people need medication for it, but that’s beside the point.) The thing is that you don’t have to suffer and be miserable. There is help available, in the form of good books, uplifting blogs (see the “Gratitude Blog” in my blogroll) along with about a trillion other ones. But most of all, don’t try to go it alone. Talk to someone you trust, reach out online, even. People with depression and serious anxiety do get better–sometimes a lot better. But it’s pretty rare for that to “just happen.” Usually effort must be made, in one way or another, or through working with an excellent therapist, counselor, and/or psychiatrist. The good ones of those professions are worth their weight in gold, and I assure you, they are out there.

Never doubt for one second that things can get better. They can, and they do. Ms. Sanity is living proof!
Feel free to let me know of any resources that you think should be shared with other gentle readers here.

If that rings any bells for you about yourself, there’s a short primer on the flip which may be helpful.

Over and over when I have my “counselor” hat on, people ask me questions like, “But is what happened to me A or B?” “Is it wrong for me to feel C or D?”  “Was that person wrong to do E or F?”  “Do I really have any redeeming value? What if I’m wrong about what I think?” and on and on it goes.

In my own life, partly through the process of going through therapy (something which I think nearly everyone can benefit from, if you can find a good therapist…) I eventually learned that–guess what–there is  not REALLY a fully-fledged rule book about life sitting somewhere that you can just look up and see a black and white answer that makes everything clear about A, B, C, D and so forth. (Spare me the Bible references, that’s not quite what I mean, although there are some enormously helpful rules and such to live by in the Bible….)

There came a point when I had to allow myself to live with some uncertainty, and once I did–whoosh, a huge burden was lifted.

Finally, in a blinding flash, I realized that my role was to do my best to make a sensible decision about what I thought about my life, and my actions, and so on, and that looking outside for some sort of handy manual that was going to spell absolutely everything out for me, was fruitless at best.

Some people are great  (okay, some people are delusional, too) about having positive self esteem, seeing their strengths, and so on. It comes easily and naturally to them. Those people are probably not even reading this article.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have the folks with the absolute lowest self-esteem, and paralyzing anxiety. “Am I really a bad person?” and so on are the kinds of questions that plague them constantly.  Here’s the deal:

Sometimes, for the latter type of person, you have to simply stop asking yourself and the world for the “truth” about a particular thing, and simply decide what is and is not helpful for you to think. Is it helpful, to you, or anyone else around you, for you to torture yourself endlessly that you “might” be a bad person, or a worthless person, and so on?

No, of course it isn’t. It is far helpful for your functioning, and for the world, if you make the decision to think “Perhaps I am an okay, at least, person.”  That gives you a launching pad to start from, whereas “Maybe I am really bad,” does not. (I’m referring to “normal” people here, not people, say, who killed someone last week, etc., who have plenty of reason to question themselves.)

You can, of course, tie yourself up in knots if you want, asking yourself  “Well, is it for real, do I have any basis to have even moderate self-esteem about?” but the fact of the matter is that sometimes you, and everyone else, are better off if you just make some (positive) assumptions.  So when it comes to the basics–like simple self esteem/self respect, you are better off, when your mental tape says “Is it real? should I allow myself to have even marginal self-esteem?” to respond with a resounding “Who cares if it’s “real” or not. That is where I’m going to begin, assuming that I have the right to draw breath, etc.”

For the record, I am very quick to suggest that people see a doctor and/or a licensed professional counselor (plus, of course, the law requires me to do so,and of course, that’s just the ethical thing to do.) I do realize that the type of mental machinations I’m describing CAN be due to major clinical depression and/or anxiety, and often need treatment from professionals.

The other fact of the matter, however, is that seeking or receiving mental health treatment is still stigmatized to an unbelievable degree (and it shouldn’t be) and that in the US, mental health care is simply not available (or seems unavailable–almost the same thing)  to many, many people. So I suppose talking to me can be better than nothing. At least that’s what they tell me.

My points here are threefold: a.) most people do have the power to do at least a little something about the damage those mental tapes are doing to themselves, b.) sometimes saying “who cares?!” is actually a very adult, reasoned, practical mental response, and c.) if your life feels like the pits because you can’t get past this stuff, reach out and get help, pronto.  There is ALWAYS help available, and we are not called to “go it on our own” forever.

If you struggle with this crap, try saying “who cares?!” for an hour. See how YOU feel.You might be surprised how freeing it is.

And for the (Ayn) Randians: Yes, of course there are absolutes in life. There just aren’t quite as many as most people seem to think. Life is full of shades of gray. Deal with it.

With the economic situation world-wide and the other political things happening, however, (not to mention the current weird alignment of the planets – just ask Michael Lutin!) the potential triggers for feeling lousy may indeed be more abundant than usual. Follow me on the flip for some handy tips that might help you (and for that matter, your dear Ms. Sanity) stay in a happier frame of mind.  These tips may not be groundbreaking, but I hope they may serve as a helpful reminder to anyone who stumbles upon them.

1.) Surround yourself with (or pay attention to) happy, upbeat people.

Remember that what (and whom) you pay attention to in your life literally grows and becomes a bigger part of your life.

There are some people who are naturally inclined to optimism. Many who are even inclined to thoughtful, searching, considered optimism. Good attitudes, hope, and joy are catching. If you don’t have these people in your life, you can find them online or ask around. Even a little exposure to these upbeat folks can help your feelings of happiness. EVEN if they get on your nerves while you’re talking to them or reading what they have to say!

2.) Limit your news intake, whether on television, online, or newspapers.

There will always be bad news, and guess what, bad news sells…(and puts eyeballs on websites, etc.) That’s why traditional news outlets in particular seem to focus on “bad news…” because they actually DO focus on the bad news! Regardless of your political or other orientations and priorities, there will always be something in the news that’s upsetting. Particularly when you are struggling, limit your intake. This does not have to be permanent.

3.) Help other people.

There is always someone nearby or online who could use an encouraging word, a donation, or simply someone to listen to them. Whatever your circumstances, you have this to offer, even if you can only manage 30 seconds. The benefits of doing so are enormous and farther reaching than you’d believe toward helping your happiness level.

4.) Wallow in bad feelings if you must, but set time limits for wallowing.

Sometimes bad feelings and sadness and unhappiness are natural or unavoidable. (Death of someone you care about, Major changes in relationships, Major life or health changes, and so forth.) All of these things are adjustments which take time, and simply plastering on a happy face in the midst of true emotional challenges is a recipe for disaster. So allowing yourself to “feel the pain” (or to wallow, if you will…) is reasonable. What you don’t want to do is to allow yourself to get stuck there.  Give yourself a time limit that seems reasonable, (sometimes this means weeks to months!)  and if you cannot find your way to feeling normal once the time limit expires, it may be time to talk to your doctor or seek other outside help.

5.) Talk about it.

Not  everyone needs formal therapy or a doctor’s care of course when they’re struggling with emotional issues and/or unhappiness, but everyone needs to express their feelings. Find a way to do so. The advent of the internet has made this easier.

6.) Bootstraps don’t exist.

There is a much misguided idea in these United States anyway that we should all “pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.” Personally, I’ve never seen anyone in my lifetime who actually had bootstraps, much less someone who could “pull themselves up by them. “  It can be critical to know when the jig is up and when you should ask for help and stop thinking about your damn non-existent bootstraps. Asking for help is a sign of wisdom and strength, and NOT weakness. We are all in this life together.

One of the many guidelines which indicate that you should run, not walk, to a health care provider: is when you start thinking (especially when you continue to think) that the world or your loved ones would be better off without you, and/or you start making plans to bring that about. Suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you are feeling that way, get help. Today. Here are some 24/7 hotlines in the USA that are standing by to help you: 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-TALK  (1-800-273-8255)

7.) Talk to a child/spend time with children.

There’s a reason why we say “kids say the darnedest things,” and “Out of the mouths of babes…”  This is because children have a fresh way of looking at the world which can sometimes bring light streaming into the life of an adult in unexpected ways.  Take a moment and talk to a child, and if you don’t have one handy, (with their parent’s permission) a neighbor’s child will do. Have them tell you a joke. You’ll be glad you did.

Above all, know that you are not alone. Because that’s the truth.

(Image Courtesy of Jochen Gros.)