It’s Only Me, Right? I’m The Only One!

Time and time again in my work I have clients who confess feelings, quietly, ashamedly, as though they were something horribly awful. Time and time again I have had the privilege of helping them to realize that most of the time, what they are experiencing is not only “normal” but is actually commonplace. And that furthermore, often, these negative feelings can be changed.

If you could hear their sighs of relief (well, the sighs of the ones that I am able to convince…) you would be astonished. You would probably also be astonished at how frequently this phenomenon comes up. And I work with men and women from all over the world, of all ages.

What is it that you are walking around with, deep in your heart, feeling as though there is something wrong with you for feeling it? It is the things that we bury, out of fear and shame, which often cause us the most pain – and which sometimes grow to have a negative, problematic life of their own. These shadow issues (A woman named Debbie Ford wrote a whole book about our “shadows..”) can become incredibly powerful, and they can cause all sorts of problems.

“It’s only me, right?” some clients ask me. “I’m the only one who thinks about quitting my well paid job and becoming a farmer?” or “I’m the only one who is afraid to have a baby,” or “I’m the only one who is afraid of falling in love and losing control…”

We are not, of course, discussing here things that are actually psychopathic urges like the repeated idea of drowning one’s children or setting fire to one’s house with the family asleep in it. If you’re having those kinds of intrusive thoughts and negative visions, it’s crucial that you run, not walk, to your nearest hospital and tell them the truth about what you are considering. They can help you, they really can, and you will feel better. To reach out like that is true bravery, not weakness.

But the first step, of course, is to ask for help….and then to give voice to that “shadow” inside you.

The same goes for those smaller shadow thoughts and fears. It’s the things that we hold tightly inside, fearing to give voice to, which add to or can even cause tension, anxiety, fear, and lowered self esteem. The remedy is simple yet powerful: talk to someone you trust. Let the shadow out into the light. Often, almost instantly, the power is broken and you feel lighter, safer, happier. Try it and see for yourself!

It’s not just you. Really. It’s not just me, either. Trust yourself, the universe, and believe that you can get beyond whatever shadowy “box of rocks” that you are carrying around. You can set it down, and you may very well find that as soon as you set down this metaphoric box of rocks and show it to someone else – that you don’t have to pick it back up and carry it around with you.

Again, it’s not just you. But as long as you are carrying the box quietly, and not opening it up, you will never know. Take the chance – and share. The benefits are enormous and carrying the box quietly helps no one, not even yourself.

May 4, 2010  Tags: , , , ,   Posted in: Sane

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